Wednesday, March 29, 2006

And Now, For A Slight Change Of Pace

There's apparently a reborn Neal Cassady (from Jack Kerouac's "On The Road) hard at work on the Investor's Hub board named badog and he is one hell of a writer.

As the price of ERHC Energy slipped today and investor tempers frayed, badog's incredibly funny post livened things up.

Here it, slightly edited for bad spelling:

We just went down. We always go down. This is just so unfair. My broker says don't worry this is just profit taking. I didn't take any profits. Did you take profits? I never get profits. All I ever get is screwed. What a bunch of crap! This stock sucks! Analysts now say it's a dog. Brokerage house made reference to "this puppy". Oh great I own another dog! Dogs suck! My wife had a dog. He hated me . We had to take him to a vet to have him put out of his suffering. The vet offered my wife a 2-for-1 deal on me and the dog. What was that all about? Damn dog died of natural causes by the time I talked my wife out of it. I hate dogs. Vets suck! My broker says don't worry this stock is not a dog. Just shorts and MM's screwing with the stock. This stock is a leader he says. Nothing can go wrong. It's smooth sailing from here. Oh man - isn't that what they said about the Titanic? Oh my God I'm on a fricken dogship to hell! My broker says don't worry short squeeze coming. Too many shorts. Oh man why does there have to be so many shorts? Why do they all have to be so mean? Why do they always drive my stocks down? What did I ever do to them? My broker says they will get theirs. They got theirs all right, and mine too. They always get my money. Short squeeze coming! What a bunch of crap! The only shorts squeeze I ever get is when my wife makes me wear those darn bikkini briefs. Bikini briefs suck. I hate shorts! I bet my wife is a short. I think my wife shorts this stock everyday just so she can whoop my ass when I get home! And who are these MM people screwing with my stock? Who do these people think they are? What are they? Has anyone ever seen them? What does M&M stand for? I close my eyes at night and all I can see are these these people dressed in colorful candy-coated outfits chuckling while they are screwing with my money and my mind. I hate M&Ms. Melts in your mouth not in your hand! What kind of scam was that? MM's, shorts, my broker and this stock suck. I'm $12 dollars from a margin call and Monday is coming. Margin sucks. Why did I ever buy on margin anyways? Margin - what a scam! Where are we going from here? I'll tell you where we are going. Straight down! My stocks always go down.

I hate investing! Investing sucks! Why does this always happen to me? Oh this is just great! They just posted interest in my margin account and triggered a margin call. Margin interest - what is that all about? I don't remember my broker mentioning margin interest. Margin interest? Oh that is so unfair! "Buy more ERHE" my broker said. "I ain't got no money" I told him. He said what about margin? I said "I hear its risky." "Only for losers" he told me, "not for astute positive thinkers like yourself. Remember" he says "I'm your friend I only have your best interests at heart. If you do well I do well. Easy money he says." I ask "shouldn't I diversify?" He says he'll let me in on a little secret." Top analyst is about to initiate coverage on ERHE with a strong buy. After that nothing but splits coming." Oh wasn't that just a peachy keen tip now. Analyst upgrades ERHE and it drops another $.20 a share. Analyst upgrades ERHE and downgrades my financial condition to life support with one swoop! Analysts suck! Well I tracked my broker down by phone yesterday. He's down in the Caribbean. I guess he's down there with my easy money looking out for my best interests. Full service brokers what are they all about? Weren't there enough used car lots to go around? My broker sucks! He costs me money twice, once when he gives me advice and once when I take it. Oh yeah. I almost forgot he is my friend. I asked him once "If you are my friend why don't you give me some free advice?". So he did! He told me to marry the woman who is now my wife. What a #######! I hate my broker! Margin interest, analysts, ERHE, free money and my broker suck! Well my broker says I'm overeacting "Splits are coming!" Splits - what a scam! "Here I'll take your 10 and give you two fives. Keep the change!" What the #### is that all about? This is going to make me rich? No matter! ERHE will never split as long as I own it. My stocks never split. Splits coming? What a bunch of crap! I have news for my broker. The splits are here. ERHE and my broker have split the value of my account in half and my wife is going to split my lip when she gets wind of this margin call. I hate splits! Splits suck! Well I have three days to cover my margin call. I hope my stocks go up tommorow. Oh they won't go up. My stocks never go up. That is not until the day after I sell them. I wish I had cash. I never have cash. Why did I put all my cash into my Y2K generator business? Y2K - what a scam that was! Y2k, margin calls, my broker, ERHE and my life suck! Why does this always happen to me?


Badog, sell your stock and buy a literary agent.

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On Another Front

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